


47 Really Funny Jokes About Cats

by timetrees



Series: prime new earth [2]
Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Cats, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-04 21:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18820744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetrees/pseuds/timetrees
Summary: "When I said I wanted a cat on Twitter," Tim said, "this wasn't what I had in mind."





	47 Really Funny Jokes About Cats

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like a few hours or smth today so maybe not my most QUALITY piece. or my most serious. but i had a lot of fun and that's what matters
> 
> title was inspired by an article i found by googling 'cat puns.' original article title was "47 Really Funny Cat Puns And Jokes."
> 
> these r all fun jokes and games

"When I said I wanted a cat on Twitter," Tim said, "this wasn't what I had in mind."

Klarion frowned at him, one of his teeth-fangs poking out like he was a cat himself. Had he always had fangs? Tim swore he hadn't, the last time they met. 

The witch boy's eyes moved from Tim to the cardboard box sitting on the ground, which had moved an inch since the last time Tim had looked at it.

"I don't know what Twitter is," Klarion said. Was this really an insane coincidence? Tim had never given his Twitter out to Klarion, but Klarion did magic and other generally otherworldly things so he had just assumed that one of those included magically knowing someone's username from just seeing them. After all, he'd known his name––his real name—without being told.

"Okay," Tim said, after too long of a silence. "So... you just decided to try and pawn off a demon kitten to me out of the blue?"

Klarion looked affronted. His eyebrows were pulled so close together they looked like a monobrow. "They aren't demons," he said. "If you don't want one, fine. I know more people than just you. Maybe Batgirl wants a cat."

Tim frowned. "You're friends with Batgirl?" he asked, managing to sound far more bothered than he actually felt. "How many Bats have you gone on mini quests with?"

"What's a mini quest?"

"Never mind." Tim shook his head and peered into the cardboard box again. Four tiny, weeks-old kittens were inside, crawling and squirming over each other with their eyes closed tight. No mother in sight. "So... Teekl?"

"Teekl is resting," Klarion said, protectively.

"Do they not want the kittens? I mean, you're just giving them away." Tim wasn't sure why he was asking. Most cats didn't _ask_ for their kittens to be taken away, people just did it. But that was in his world, not Limbo Town, and with normal cats, not... whatever Teekl was.

"There's a civil war happening in Limbo Town right now," Klarion said. Wasn't there always some civil war happening in Limbo Town? That place was weird. And did Klarion live there again? Tim could have sworn that was an ex-thing. "Lots of animal murder happening, a demon invaded and–– that isn't the point." He twisted his mouth. "And I don't have a permament place to stay. I've been travelling."

"So you're giving away the kittens," Tim said. "To me... and Batgirl?"

"I don't know if she likes cats or not, but she's a possibility," Klarion said. "Do you want a cat or not? If you bond well enough, even in this world you might develop some kind of connection. It's a very useful thing. A _beautiful_ thing."

Dimly, Tim realized that Klarion was asking him to raise a kitten into a demonic looking cat that would, possibly, have the ability to see the world through his eyes and vice versa. It sounded like a bad idea. It also sounded like something Catwoman would be jealous of. More than that, _Damian_ would probably be jealous. Hilariously so, even. The kid really liked animals.

"Sure," Tim heard himself saying. Dammit. He probably shouldn't have let the opportunity of trolling his little brother cloud his judgement. Raising a cat was serious work; raising a magical familar cat was probably harder. Did Tim need the ability to do magic for the cat to like him? He hoped not, because if he did suddenly come across some latent magic ability, Batman might have a mental breakdown and kick him out of the city.

Probably not. Batman didn't actually take the no metas in Gotham rule very seriously, especially in regards to natives of the city. Not like that had helped Zatanna—Bruce still glared every time he saw her on the TV screen, and Tim was pretty sure whatever he was mad at her for had happened years ago by now.

"You will?" Klarion asked. He smiled; it was unnerving on his blue face, but Klarion probably thought the same thing about Tim. Hopefully. He clasped a hand on Tim's shoulder. "You're a true friend," he told Tim, seriously. "Now I have to go find a girl who insulted me last time I was in Gotham. Take one from the box."

Tim thought maybe he should ask what Klarion was intending to do to that girl, but mostly he wanted to go home and delve into cat-raising forums for a few hours, so he stayed silent. The kittens didn't seem to confine themselves to an Earth-cat's genetic rules; one was orange like Teekl, two were black, another was a tortoiseshell. Tim had read through enough Warrior Cats redesign projects to know that wasn't a thing.

He was pretty sure.

Tim crouched down to look closer at the kittens. He used a deductive reasoning process to pick which kitten to pull out: which cat was coolest looking? Which cat looked least likely to grow up to kill him?

He picked up the tortoiseshell kitten. It mewed and tried to nibble at his skin.

"Good luck," Klarion said. He picked up the box, holding it in front of him with both arms, and nodded at Tim. "I'll be back to check on her soon," he said. He did not specify when _soon_ was, or give any tips on how to raise a magic cat from another dimension.

Klarion disappeared in a swoosh of air that smelled vaguely like something rotting. The cat meowed loudly.

"Same," Tim told it.

He probably needed to give Catwoman a call.

* * *

The kitten was cute. She was so tiny and her fur was so sparse that he could barely imagine it as a full grown cat, much less whatever Teekl was. Tim wondered who the other parent was, if Teekl was meant to be the mother or father or both or neither. He should have gotten Klarion's cell number.

Did Klarion own a cellphone? Tim was fairly sure there weren't any in Limbo Town, but he didn't know too much about it.

Tim considered calling Bruce to ask for Catwoman's number, but after a lengthy session of imagining how the conversation would go following "I need your not-girlfriend's number so I can ask her for tips on raising a kitten that I got from Klarion the Witch Boy, don't worry, I've got it handled," he decided to just use the internet. Maybe if he saw Catwoman when Batman wasn't around sometime.

She liked him, right? They'd teamed up more than a few times.

Tim's phone began to ring. It should have been on silent.

"Agh," he said. The kitten whined at the noise so he petted her from the top of her head to the base of her spine. Which was really not a long distance at all in a kitten. Tim picked up the phone. "Hello."

"Klarion the Witch Boy just tried to give me a cat?" Steph said, slightly incredulous on the other end of the line.

"Oh," Tim said. "When did you meet Klarion, anyway?"

"Valentine's Day," Steph said. "But that isn't the point. Did you seriously adopt a cat from him or was he just trying to sales pitch me?"

Tim winced. "Well..." He let the silence linger.

"God, Tim," Steph said. He could tell she was trying not to laugh at him only because that seemed to be her constant state. "It's going to grow up to rip hearts out of people's chests, you know."

Tim frowned. "Is it?" he asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I know how to raise a cat not to be a murderer."

"Teekl murdered, like, several people," Steph said. Tim really wanted to ask her about her own adventure with Klarion but wasn't quite willing to admit that he'd once taken Teekl home after getting punked on by a little kid.

"Well, she's not my cat," Tim said. He was coming across as too defensive now, which meant there was definitely no going back from this. When Steph didn't respond for more than a few seconds, he added, "so, you... didn't adopt a cat."

"No," Steph said. "I didn't adopt a cat. My mom would kill me."

Right. Steph was still living with her mom. He kept forgetting that not everyone he knew was an orphan.

"Okay," Tim said. "Well, you can come visit mine sometime if you want. We're going to be best friends for sure."

"It's already bitten you, hasn't it?"

"Not the point. Hey, do you have Catwoman's number?"

**FIN.**

**Author's Note:**

> recommended reading for this fic:  
> 
> 
> * robin 1993, issues 157-158 (tim really took klarion's fucking cat home with him.)  
> 
> * batgirl 2009, issue 18 (teekl canonically fucks ))))): )
> 
> umm what else. this is part of PRIME NEW EARTH, which is my own custom earth i made to suit MY personal needs. which is this. of course. i will probably do more of this earth eventually. probably a joey and rose fic at some point.
> 
> anyway with how robin 158 ended i really enjoy the idea of tim and klarion being friends. even if you don't read robin comics, those two issues work on their own pretty well if you have a sort-of knowledge of klarion and teekl (and even if you don't, probably. tim didn't!)
> 
> also, in this universe, the thing bruce is mad at zatanna for isn't id*ntity cr*sis, it's something petty and ridiculous, i just haven't figured out what yet. suggestions are welcome
> 
> finally:  
> [look at this pic from robin 158](https://imgur.com/a/PVZ2nm3)


End file.
